Nov 22Srs: EscortGirlsGuru

Story 19 - How to tell a guy you’re an escort

You know how when you watch a romantic comedy, guys are always making stupid mistakes and they have to grovel to their girlfriends to make up for it?

It kinda feels like I’m living that life… but with the roles reversed. I’m always getting into sticky situations where someone I’m casually dating chances upon my escorting activities and gets the wrong end of the stick. Or sometimes I just tell them straight (before any misunderstandings can arise), but it’s still a lot for them to wrap their head around, and it creates a lot of melodrama.

Not even kidding about the melodrama, by the way – when I broke the news to my ex-boyfriend whom I was seeing when I first started escorting, he took it as a personal offence and threatened to kill himself. I don’t know why, but it feels like I’m a magnet for crazy.

Okay, I guess Brody’s an exception. That’s why I’m even making an effort, actually. When I hung out with him previously, everything felt so normal and just so right. He wasn’t too forward, and he wasn’t too reticent. He wasn’t weird, he wasn’t overbearing, and he wasn’t obsessive. The distance thing isn’t great, but other than that, we might actually have had a chance.

Of course, then he had to go and be all romantic and come surprise me here in London. And nope, he couldn’t have walked in when Dylan and I were just chatting, or when I was pouring Dylan a drink. It had to be at that precise moment when I was blowing him. Talk about impeccable timing.

So… back to the topic at hand. There are a few ways to tell a guy you’re an escort. When I first started, some of the girls in the business told me that the best way was to wait till he really, really loves you before you break the news. You don’t do it when your relationship is still new and fledgling – you wait till he’s in too deep to protest too much about it. (Pro tip: you should also drop hints here and there to ease him into it – talk about how it’d be nice to have a sugar daddy, or bring him to the strip club on a date).

This can definitely backfire, though. There are some guys who will just not be able to accept it regardless of how much they love their girl – and in that scenario, you can bet things will get messy.

The second way to do it is to blurt it out right at the start. Just throw it in whilst you’re making small talk – maybe this guy is telling you how blue your eyes are, or asking you what your favourite movie is. Just straight up – “oh, and by the way, I’m an escort”. Reactions range from nervous laughter, to downright disbelief (a lot of guys’ first reaction is to assume you’re pranking them), to those who take it pretty well. Then there are the typical lads, who will look like you’ve just told them Santa Claus is real. Nope, just because I’m an escort, that doesn’t mean that you and your friends have free, all-access passes to marathon sex with me.

The third way to do it – which is how I normally do it – is to wait till things get more serious with the guy you’re dating, then tell him. So the minute you think that this might progress past casual dating and actually evolve into a real relationship, you do it. I would’ve done the same with Brody – it’s just that when I got back to London he barely texted, and I assumed that he just couldn’t be fussed with the distance and all.

The good news? He’s not completely ignoring me and cutting off contact. He’s still in London – staying with friends – and he said he’s just going to chill for a bit and have a think about how to take things from here. Fair play, I suppose. Every day we text a little bit and it seems like things are pretty okay between us, so yesterday I sent him a cheeky selfie of myself whilst I was getting ready for work. I don’t think he minded it at all.

Sometimes I think to myself, life (my love life, to be particular) would be so much less complicated if I weren’t an escort. But then again, my escorting gig helps to separate the boys from the men, doesn’t it? Regardless of whether I’m escorting, I’d want to be with someone who’s not narrow-minded, and who doesn’t let things faze them easily. I guess I’ll have to see this as a blessing in disguise.